


Get Back

by chaylariche



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America (Movies) RPF, Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 12:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3133904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaylariche/pseuds/chaylariche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Bucky fell from the train, but he trekked his way back to camp just in time to hear that Steve landed the plane in the Arctic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Get Back

He remembers picking up Steve's shield and holding it flush against his chest. He remembers locking eyes with the HYDRA goon and watching him fire. He remembers being blasted backwards and dropping the shield. He remembers the feel of ice cold winter air whipping his skin. He remembers latching on to the beam of the train, hearing Steve take down the last HYDRA agent and rushing to his aid.

He remembers Steve's terrified face as he shouted "Bucky!" and scaled his way towards him. He reached out for Steve's arm, but fumbled, quickly latching back on to the beam. He'd never been a praying man, but in that moment he swears he said ten Hail Mary's for Steve not to fall.

_God, I'll fall a thousand times, just please don't let Steve fall too._ As Steve got closer, he could feel the beam breaking under his weight.

Steve stretched out his arm and yelled, "Grab my hand!" The beam shuddered again and upon seeing this, Steve stretched out further.

Time seemed to slow as they made eye contact, the wind muffling the screamed "NO!" that he saw leave Steve's lips.

And as Bucky fell, he said one more silent prayer. _Please Lord, I hope that serum made Steve smart enough not to jump after me._

He remembers screaming, realizing that it was his own.

He remembers reaching out for Steve as he fell.

He remembers begging for his death to be swift.

He remembers pain.

He remembers darkness.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

And then he remembers Steve.

 

His eyes weren't open yet, but he knew he was alive.

_Dear God, why am I alive, I should be dead, why aren't I dead?_ He felt fresh snow coating his face. He risked a bit of movement, starting with his fingers.

God, everything ached but he was alive, he could move and _c'mon Barnes, you've been through worse. This isn't nearly as rough as when you got into a scrap with that dick Jones back in Brooklyn 'coz he wouldn't quit pickin' on Steve and-_ Steve.

His eyes shot open as he thought of Steve. _The little punk's probably worked himself into a fit, c'mon Barnes, gotta get movin'._ He began to loosen up gradually. He moved his toes, his ankles, his legs, his hips, his back, his neck, his arms, his-- Bucky looked down to his right arm and moved it, wiggling all of his fingers. He looked to his left and was met with blood-stained snow and half of his arm. Gasping in air, he bit his lip and looked away, tears leaking into his eyes. 

_I'm fine, you're fine, jus' a little bruisin', maybe a coupla busted bones, but you'll get patched right up once you make it back to Steve_. _Just get back to Steve, gotta get back to Steve._ Bucky rolled over onto his left side and groaned in pain. Using his left shoulder to lean on, he pushed himself up with his right hand. Unsteady on his feet, he began to walk North.

_"Buck, if you ever get lost out there--"_

_"That'll never happen, pal."_

_"I know," Steve insisted. "But just in case you do--"_

_"Stevie..."_

_"Buck, please. If...if we ever get separated, just know that we always set up camp North of each targeted HYDRA base. Okay?"_

_"Hmm, funny 'coz you're my North Star, Stevie" Bucky says as he wraps one hand around Steve's waist and tugs him closer._

_"We're in the middle of a war, Barnes, quit bein' such a sap."_

_"What can I say, you bring out the sensitive side of me," Bucky deadpans. Steve chuckles and their lips meet for a gentle kiss._

Bucky brushes away a stray tear at the memory and treks on. All he can think about is his arm and the pain and Steve and _how did he survive that fucking fall. He fell off a fucking cliff for Christ's sake, there's no way he could have survived, how did he survive, did Steve catch Zola--_

Zola

That goddamned Swiss sonofabitch. He _knew_ Zola had changed him somehow, what with all the poking and prodding and injections and "How do you feel, Sergeant Barnes?" over and over and over again after every fucking injection. He _knew_ he had something in him... He just didn't know it would help him survive falling off a train... And with that running through his mind, he wondered if Zola had turned him into another Schmidt or another Steve, a good man or a monster, a villain or a hero.

And God how he hoped he could be a hero, that's all he's ever wanted to be for Steve, a fucking hero.

_Just get back to him, get back to your Stevie and he'll make you a good man, he'll make you a hero, you'll see. Get back to Steve._

Bucky walks for what seems like years. He walks until the sun goes down and keeps walking. He walks until his feet are tired and keeps walking. He walks until his arm stops dripping blood and keeps walking. He walks and walks and walks until he thinks he doesn't have the strength to walk anymore and keeps walking because _Steve needs you goddammit, just keep fucking walking Barnes, get back to Steve!_

Bucky walks until his body physically can't go on anymore and he collapses into the snow, thinking _I'm sorry Steve, I swear I tried to get back to you, I swear I did._ And Steve is the last thing on his mind before he sees two pairs of feet walk towards him. 

And finally, _finally_ he can die.

* * *

 

But then he opens his eyes.  

He takes in his surroundings. On his right he sees a freshly pressed uniform he assumes is for him. On his left he sees that what's left of his arm is heavily bandaged. He looks down and takes in the hospital gown, the bed, and the nurses standing outside the door. He attempts to speak and one of the nurses hears him and comes in.

"Hello, Sergeant Barnes, how are you feeling?" Her voice is gentle and soothing, although her question reminds him too much of Zola.

"Where am I?" he asks gruffly, removing the bed sheets and various IVs.

"You're back at base, Sergeant. You had quite a journey, you need to rest," she warns, eyeing him warily.

"You know who I am, correct?" He asks, rounding on her.

"Y-yes, Sergeant Barnes."

"Then you know that's not an option. Gotta get back to my Commandos, darlin'." He picks up his uniform, half salutes to the nurse and leaves.

He vaguely hears her call "Wait, Sergeant Barnes--!" but he continues to walk. He takes multiple turns out of the hospital ward and crosses base to get to administration. He takes the usual route to the conference room, but finds it empty.

He goes back outside and towards the barracks, going first to his room. He sees his bed the way he left it, all messed up from a night with Steve. He goes to Steve's room and hesitates outside of the door. Knocking, he waits for Steve to open the door. When he hears nothing inside, he opens the door himself. He's met with an empty room as well as an empty stomach.

_Dammit Steve, where could you be._ _It's only once that you're long lost love comes back from the almost dead._ He leaves the barracks and walks around base, which is unusually desolate. _Where the hell could everyone be?_

Bucky goes back to administration and sits at one of the various tables, waiting for Steve or anyone to show up at this point. He hears keys clicking faintly around the corner and ventures to that area, hoping to try his luck. He sees a blonde female officer on a typewriter which brings his mind to Peggy. Maybe if he can find Ms. Carter, he can find Steve.

"'Scuse me, doll. You haven't happened to see Agent Carter around here, have ya?"

The officer pauses in her typing and looks up. Her eyes immediately widen and her jaw drops slightly. "S-sergeant Barnes? You-you're alive?"

"Um yes. I was wondering if you've see-"

"Oh God, we all thought you were dead. Everyone thought--" She looks horrified and chokes up. "P-Peggy left... Said she couldn't stay here anymore."

Bucky stares at her for a moment. "Why would Ms. Carter leave?"

"Oh God. Sergeant Barnes, I'm so sorry, I don't- He didn't know you were alive, you have to understand--" she continues to stammer and Bucky can see tears welling in her eyes. She turns around and pulls out a newspaper from under her files, turning back around and handing it to Bucky.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, a single tear making its way down her cheek.

Bucky swallows, reaching out a shaking hand to take the paper from her. He barely reads the headline before dropping to his knees and choking. Steadying himself on his right hand, he looks back to the title.

_Captain America Crashes Plane Into Arctic-Saves World_

Bucky lets out a wrecked gasp and forces himself to read the article. He sees things like "Red Skull dead", "POWs liberated", "V-Day", "America celebrates and mourns", "loss of a hero", "death of a national icon", "Captain America will be missed" and how Steve, his Stevie made the "ultimate sacrifice for his country".

He can't read on because his hand is shaking so much. The words aren't making any sense, none of this is making any sense. Steve should be here, he made it back to camp like he promised so Steve should be here, not dead in Arctic, but here with him and he's shaking and convulsing and sobbing and gasping and vomiting and shouting Steve's name until he's deaf to his own screams and _why, God why, you promised that I could fall if Steve wouldn't_ and he can vaguely sense two pairs of arms pulling him to his feet and half carrying him back to the hospital ward. But he's crying too hard to care because Steve was his and he was Steve's and they were supposed to share a whole life together after the war and now it's after the war but Steve isn't here and _goddammit Steve why aren't you here, I came back for you!_

And Bucky's screaming Steve's name and he can feel the two soldiers holding him down as the nurse injects him with something but _it won't work, what Zola gave me is too strong, it will always be too strong, I can't be the hero, I can't be a good man without Steve, not without Steve. Stevie please, please walk through that door with your baby blues and that gorgeous smile_ but he doesn't and Bucky goes under knowing that he can't be a good man without Steve to show him the way and he knows in his heart that when he wakes up, he'll be the villain that Zola destined him to be.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God, please don't hate me for the feels *cringes and hides*. This is my very first piece of fanfiction and I hope you don't hate it too terribly! Please feel free to leave any comments detailing if you loved it, liked it, disliked it, or hated it! Thanks so much!!


End file.
